Crazzynessss....

The last week has been crazy! We moved from Minnesota to Wisconsin and have been working and working on the house and trying to set up my studio and Rock the Drops. All of my studio stuff is buried in the garage because we've been waiting ever so patiently for the downstairs to be done and today they will be finished! Finally! Can you say Amen!

I haven't been able to use the internet here either. I'm using the personal hot spot on my cell phone to be able to write this.


Oh and I haven't been to the gym in over a week... :( oh my gosh!


Let me tell you this... It's completely wearing on me. It's starting to drive me bonkers. It's amazing how good you feel when you work out. I've started to feel yucky about myself again b/c I haven't been working out. I have lost another pound through all of this moving but I have 17 more pounds to my goal and I'm going to do it.

I'm ready for my routine to be back. I still have yet to have time to go join the new YMCA.

So with that, I want to encourage you all to go work out! It makes you feel so much better about yourself. I hate feeling down and out. I don't like it one bit!!

I'm hoping I can go to the gym tomorrow and do STEP. No more workers at the house, no more deliveries that I have to be here for.... I think I can finally go!

But it's crazy the thoughts I have about working out. I'm scared that just taking a week off that I will not have the oomph to do the work outs. Maybe I will finally get off the plateau though?

I just like how I feel about myself more when I'm working out. Never did I think I'd be taking a week off!

Anyway enough about woe is me I haven't gone to the gym lol... Time for more upbeat Ali! I will get back in my routine.. This was just a little bump!!


I wanted to share with you something I made the other day....

Maria Mind Body Health
I found this lady through Jamie Schultz and let me say I was so happy to find her!
I went to her taste testing party about a month ago and bought a couple of her cookbooks.
Well, with moving and having everything in boxes, I really wasn't able to do anything. Well, the other day I promised my little girl that if she picked out a desert in Maria's cookbook, I would make it for her. :)
She picked out Fudgy Brownies and so I went to the store and oh my gosh the store had all the ingredients whereas where I was living before there's no way I could have found the ingredients!

I made these brownies and they are super super yummy... What makes me soooo happy is that my daughter LOVES them! We've been trying and trying to get her to eat more healthy but she just turns her nose up at it all the time.

You should really check out Maria's cookbooks. They are on amazon!

Whatever you do..... DON'T GIVE UP!

The last couple weeks have been very hard. I've been stuck between 51 to 53 pounds lost and I'm not seeing the scale move down as fast as it was in the beginning. Am I giving up??? No way!!!

People ask me all the time what I'm doing to lose the weight?..... Let me tell you this. It's not a DIET! I have completely changed my lifestyle. Every other diet I tried which I've tried many... I always ended up gaining the weight that I had lost.

Diets are DUMB! At least with my experience they don't work. You starve yourself, limit yourself to a certain way and then when you get to your desired goal then you go back to the way you were eating and guess what????? You put the weight back on.. I refuse to diet!

When I started I literally had to take one day at a time. It was hard. I wanted to eat everything (especially at 'that time'!! You know what I'm talking about ladies!!) and I was mad at people who could eat anything they wanted! lol But you know what, thru that determination to become healthy and not eat the junk I've lost so much weight and I'm so insanely happy!

Now, that I am on a plateau it really does stink but I refuse to give up! I refuse to let myself go by the wayside and not work hard for it. This just means I have to push myself even harder at the gym and really watch what I eat.

However, when your frustrated and on a plateau the LAST thing you want is for your husband to go down to Perkins and buy a bunch of muffins... lol My daughter wanted a muffin the other day and I was cool with him getting her one. Seriously, everything we have is in boxes because we are moving this week... Not only did he come home with 1 muffin for my daughter and 1 for my friend who was helping us pack..... he came home with 4 more muffins... Oh my goodness, those muffins were talking to me and telling me to eat them... Darn those muffins especially the one with oreos in it.... Did I cave and gorge on those muffins????????..... nope. I had about 3 bites and that was enough..

Through all of this because I've been struggling with getting off the plateau it's had me kind of feeling down... That with a few other things in life... moving away from a place I've lived for 9 years, saying goodbye to some amazing friends, not being at Imaging USA ( I totally wanted to go to that) lol

So when those muffins came into our house I was feeling down and before in my life I would have eaten them to make me feel better. I REFUSED to allow myself to eat them because of that. The couple bites satisfied me enough that the darn little things would stop talking to me but I didn't sit and binge them like I would have in the past.

I feel like having this attitude of Not Giving Up goes for anything in life.... Lately, I've seen a ton of marriages fail. It makes me so sad. I was almost one of them. I really was. I had in my mind that I was going to leave my husband because I was miserable.

I felt like we had grown apart especially after our miscarriage. The only thing that kept me here at that point was my daughter. I just couldn't do that to my little girl but I was so depressed and so angry I couldn't see past anything else.

I made a commitment to myself that I was going to change. The only person that could change me is me.... And the only person who could change my husband is my husband.

Once the weight had started coming off I started becoming more happy...more confident...more alive...I really think those endorphins do so much to you as a 'happy pill'... Seriously if you are feeling down I DARE you to go work out!

Anyway, don't give up on anything! Keep moving forward, FIGHT for what you want! Fight to be healthy, Fight for your Marriage, Fight to Love yourself... Fight Fight Fight and you will overcome!


On a side note..... I'm the kinda girl who just can't run... lol I couldn't even run a mile in high school I was so out of shape. I could have maybe run a half mile... Well, the other day I was meeting with a few of my best girlfriends saying goodbye to them and one of my friends was having a rough day. I told her to go and work out. She kind of hemmed and hawed about it... Thinking for a bit... and then maybe I will.... but I told her I'd go home change my clothes and meet her at her place.

I went on her treadmill and she got on her elliptical.... I swear I had a moment... I not only ran 1 mile..... and not only 2 miles but I ran 2.5 MILES.... We were listening to really loud music and I was telling her she could do ANYTHING that she put her mind to and that she would succeed in everything..... I was telling her this all the time while running.

I looked at how far I ran and in the amount of time and I was like there's proof you can set your mind to anything and you can achieve it.

Whether it's your weight, marriage, work, goals, etc you can do anything. You just have to believe in yourself and not let your head get in the way! Your head is your biggest obstacle.

Don't Give up! Don't Give In and you can do it! Believe in yourself. Make that change now.

I dare you to say out loud right now:

I CAN DO ANYTHING I SET MY MIND TO

I CAN LOSE ALL OF THE WEIGHT AND LIVE IN A HEALTHY BODY AND MIND

I HAVE A HEALTHY MARRIAGE

I LOVE MYSELF

I LOVE MYSELF

I LOVE MYSELF

I WON'T GIVE UP NO MATTER WHAT!!!

OH, I wanted to share this with you..... I'm kind of a dork, well no, I am a dork but I made this the other day and I'm going to make it into a physical button and put it on my purse... I want people to come up to me and ask me how...

Now that I am at a healthy weight I want to help those that are stuck..... I don't want to go up to anyone who is overweight like I was and say can I help you lol... that's totally not my style... I want to put this on my purse so they come up to me!

I have a heart to help people. I always have but I couldn't help until I was good with me ya know...

What are you feeding your heart?

What are you feeding your heart???? Self hatred, self doubt, fear, anxiety, stress, I'm not good enough, I am a failure, No matter what I try it doesn't work, self pity, guilt, I will fail before I even start so why try? I'm too fat, no one loves me, not even myself... I can't lose the weight, it just won't come off....

What is holding you back from becoming the person you are intended to be?

We all go through many many things in life. I have only met maybe a handful of people in my life that have not been in some way sexually abused or hurt in some way emotionally. Hurting people hurt people and behind every angry person there is hurt.

We have to stop allowing those people to hurt us anymore. They can never repay you for what they did to you. I was sexually molested by a friend of the family when I was 15 years old. It took me years to get over this. I remember going through some counseling over it and was asked if I could forgive this man. I said no. He hurt me too much along with all the other men.

They told me that holding on to that hatred and not forgiving that person doesn't hurt them at all, it only hurts you. It hurts and holds you back as a person. Who do you have a grudge against? They could care less about what you think so holding that anger towards them does nothing to them. It only beats you down and holds you back from being the person you are intended to be.

When I was about 20 years old we still were hanging out with this friend. My family didn't know about it until I was 21 years old. Anyway, I remember going up to him on new years eve and telling him I forgave him for what he did to me. I had decided to make the choice months before that he was no longer going to hurt me with the emotional side of things. I wouldn't allow that un forgiveness to tear me up anymore on the inside. I hated him. I despised him. But I was no longer going to let that rule my life. Forgiveness, it's a choice. It's not an emotion. It's not a feeling.. It's a decision that you make and say I will no longer let this person(s) to rule over my life. It's not saying what they did is ok. I full heartedly believe that forgiveness is a choice and it's something we all need to make.....

There are people who have been hurt and have held on to that hurt for so many years. You can literally see it on their faces. The anger, the bitterness, the un forgiveness that has held them back in life.

It's time to give that up. Let me repeat: it's not saying what they did to you is ok with you. It's not ok that these people hurt you but you are forgiving them for you. They will no longer have a hold on to you.

I've always hated when people say to forget the past. I'm sorry but you just can't forget the past. It doesn't happen that easily. What I think is we need to go through all of that emotional bondage and allow ourselves to love ourselves. We need to be freed from that anger, hatred, bitterness etc. It's not good for our souls.

I have allowed self hatred, insecurity, self doubt, fear, anxiety, worry etc etc to hold me back in life. I was able to forgive the people that hurt me when I was younger but this was the one area of my life that constantly beat me up. It is why I could not get a grasp on my weight. I couldn't get over all the SELF stuff. It was constant in my mind.

Like I said earlier, I am a Christian and it's so much a part of my life and who I am that I can't not talk about it. I am not trying to convert you or beat you down if you do not have the same beliefs as me. You are entitled to believe what you want but this is just so much a part of my life it's going to be in my posts.

I remember for the last two years when I would pray the only thing and I mean the only thing I heard from the Lord was this: Lose the Weight. I was angry that that was the only thing I heard. I was offended that was the only thing I heard. I was hurt.

But... I am so glad I started listening to the Lord... I'm so glad that I started to work out and eat right because all that self stuff started to melt away.

I can actually look in a mirror... not just any mirror but oh my goodness a full length mirror! I want one for my new house so I can look and see how cute I am before I go out the door. Did I just say cute??? oh my gosh! lol

I have never ever thought I was pretty. I've always seen the fat and self hatred that I couldn't see myself as a decent looking person. Now, I'm not nearly as gorgeous as a victoria secret model but I don't really care. I will not compare myself anymore to anyone. God made me who I am and I am glad He made me.

So, what's holding you back? What has a hold of your heart? What are you feeding your heart? love, happiness, forgiveness, joy, peace etc? or self hatred, un forgiveness, bitterness, resentment etc?

Stop allowing the hurts of the past to dictate your life now. Go through those hurts and overcome them. You can do it. You just need to be willing to let yourself be just a tiny bit vulnerable and allow to get through those emotions and forgive.....

If you don't, you will be stuck in the emotional turmoil and it will have a hold of you on your life. Many addictions are rooted out of the need to be loved and extreme self hatred..... Stop hating yourselves. Stop feeding your body garbage whether it's junk food, binging, gorging, anorexia, alcohol, drugs, etc. Start loving yourself. Start putting yourself first and working on you. Do it now!

Video Blogging LOL!!

This is my FIRST VIDEO Blog! haha Oh my goodness! Anyway, if you have 10 mins watch this. :)





If you have any questions please leave them in the comments! What would you like me to talk about in the future etc.

50 Pounds Gone in Less than 5 Months

A funny side story....

The Cheese Curd Story.....
So I started working out in August and eating right. I will never forget about two weeks into my journey (usually right about then is when you just want to give up if you don't see any progress...) Don't give up!

Anyway, we had a city festival and the ONLY thing I look forward to each year are CHEESE CURDS..... I was so incredibly crabby because all I wanted was some cheese curds but I knew that if I ate the entire dish that would probably equal out to as much food as I was eating per day... It was actually my husband's birthday and he still was kind of fighting me on this whole healthy kick and he said I don't care what you do I'm going to get me some cheese curds lol.

I can laugh about it now but that day was really wreaking havoc on my mind. While my husband was succulently eating those cheese curds, I was probably honestly cursing in my head lol. Here I am a Christian woman who very rarely swears was swearing in my mind b/c I was mad he was eating them in front of me.

I caved. I literally had 1 single bite of those darn cheese curds and I let that sit in my mouth for well it felt like an hour because I was sitting there enjoying the taste in my mouth. And that was it. All I needed was 1 and I was completely satisfied.



What I cut out of my foods:

I cut out my super yummy and delicious 500 Calorie Mocha Coffees from Caribou Coffee. I was drinking these puppies 4-5 times a week. I was incredibly addicted to caffeine.

I cut out ALL POP. I was drinking 2-3 cans of Diet Coke a day too.

And I never drank water. Very rarely!

I cut out all bread. Now, I eat it once a week. It's a total treat.

I cut out sugar too.

It took me about 2 weeks to feel cleaned out from that. I was kind of a crabby mess because I felt like I was in a fog from all the withdrawal of all that caffeine and sugar.

But now after being off of it for 5 months I have more energy and my skin looks way nicer too!

What I started doing:

I started using My Fitness Pal... First, it was an app called Lose It but I love MFP because you can add friends and they are watching what you eat! lol It makes you feel a little more accountable.
If you join it my name is rockthatgirl so look me up!

I started eating 1200 calories a day. Just to jump start everything. That was tough at first but you get used to it. You eat enough throughout the day you should be good.

Now, I eat about 1400 and I know I could bump it with the amount of calories I burn during my work outs.

I started to drink 6 to 8 cups of water a day.

I actually put a vegetable in my mouth! Oh my gosh!! I now crave vegetables and they have to be fresh. They can't be frozen or canned. fresh fresh fresh!

At first, all I did was ride the exercise bike. I would take my iPad and watch Psych on netflix and ride the bike for an hour. I watched every single episode of that show. I think it was 5 or 6 seasons worth of shows!

After I got thru all the episodes of Psych I started watching Pretty Little Liars (both are very good!! if you needed a recommendation. hehe)

Every once in a while I would go on the treadmill but I didn't care for it. I'm not a runner. (although literally a friend of mine asked me to do the Iron Girl and I'm really thinking about doing it!)

The weight started to come off. I lost 10 pounds in the first 2 weeks.

I know the photos are small but trying to save the embarrassment of myself, the dog, no make up, random child in her jammies, etc. lol

About two months into my working out and eating right my friend Laurissa encouraged me to join the local YMCA. At first, I was like no way. You ain't gonna see me in no gym! I'd be the fattest one there! (can you say I was still really insecure!!)

Well, she invited me to a step class and so I went........ And I failed miserably at it.. I didn't know the steps so I just got upset with myself. I was incredibly nervous about going in there. I did my hair and make up too lol

My friend went with me for about two weeks and then I just kept going. I remember one time, it was probably the second or third time I had done step class I was so frustrated because one, I couldn't keep up and two I still didn't know the steps. I walked out and sat in my car crying. I felt like a big fat failure.....

I called my friend Teri (she's a whole different story... as in crazy awesome story) and called her crying lol.. She told me to just pick myself back up and do it again. I am so glad my crazy friend Teri told me to pick myself back up and do it again... Step class is one of my favorites now. It is a great cardio work out plus I swear it's helping me tone my legs! ( I HATE STALLS THOUGH!!!!!!!)

I did. I've been going to the gym 4-6 days a week depending on my schedules and I do not wear any make up thank you very much! I just roll on outta bed and I go.

So, I'm saying if you think you can't, you can. I swear it's all in your head. That is the biggest obstacle you have to over come is the thing between your two ears...

I got to the point that I became so incredibly determined there hasn't been one single day that I've said or thought that I wanted to quit. That's just not an option. I was so sick of being so sick of hating myself and the way I looked.

It's funny... I'm totally a happy married woman but the other day I was at the gas station and a nice looking man took a double take at me. I was surprised and shocked and then felt a little flattered..... Maybe he took a second look because I had a booger on my nose or something but maybe just maybe I might be attractive enough for people to look at me again.

See, when you are overweight you feel judgement ALL the time from people who have never struggled with their weight. You know they are just saying: Just don't put it in your mouth. Just don't eat it. Well, if you've ever had an addiction you know it's just not that easy to quit..

(Squirrel)
And food, how do you quit food? You can't!! You just have to make much wiser choices and tell yourself it's for the better! When I first started eating veggies yuck blech gross. I was mad that I was eating it. I was like this totally sucks. But when I started seeing my results I grew to love my veggies.

I ate SQUASH for the first time too! My mama had made some at Thanksgiving and I thought it was sweet potatoes. After eating Squash... (which literally when I was a kid I'd get sick eating it b/c I couldn't handle it) I said mama, is this sweet potatoes? No it's Squash.. Oh my gosh. I took seconds!

(Back to your regular programming!! LOL)
Sometimes, I'd get down on myself b/c you just can't hide the fat like you can hide another addiction. You feel judged way more than another type of addict because you just can't hide body fat no matter how much black you wear. I was the black shirt wearing queen.... I just threw out about 40 black shirts. NO MORE BLACK!

It's funny, so many people told me I should write a blog yet I didn't think I had anything to say.. I keep on writing and more wants to come out! LOL

For future blog posts: I will show you more pictures of me, recipes, and other stuff. I'm not all sure what this blog will evolve in to.. We will see with time.

I love being able to write out my thoughts.. it feels really good!


I sure would love to know how to spice the look of this blog up.. It's pretty bland! If you know how let me know!


Oh and I tend to rabbit trail (hint: squirrel) lol where I go off and start talking about something else and then go back to the thing I was talking about so I sure hope you can follow me! (I think I watched Up to many times with my daughter.) :) :)

Here are some face pictures....

Remember my crazy friend Teri... Well she's the one to my right in this picture. Well lol this is interesting both ladies names are Ter(r)i haha Follow along please!
Well, Teri F. she lost a ton of weight. I saw her going crazy at the gym and Zumba etc. I think she's lost 50 pounds and is now body building!

And then I JUST took this one at my 50 Pound Mark

How it all started......

Hey Everyone! Welcome to my new blog about becoming and living HEALTHY!

(On the left was a photo of me at 211 pounds) More photos to come!

I have struggled with my weight my entire life. Even when I was young I was horribly teased for my weight. I don't think I was obese but I wasn't a skinny rail. With so many insecurities over myself I turned to food, drugs and alcohol. Mostly, I turned to food. That would comfort me at least that's what I thought.

I'd even feel like I was on a high when I'd binge eat. As soon as I ate a ton of food, I'd feel better for only a short time. It was an addiction.

I have been through many things in life from sexual abuse, abusive boyfriends, alcoholics in my family, life was very stressful.

I was married in 2001 to my amazing husband. We had known each other for 9 months when we got married. Life was rough our first year. Maybe it's because we were still getting to know each other and the fact that I had some extreme insecurities from being sexually abused and I absolutely hated the way I looked. I took it out on my husband by being incredibly controlling and angry.

When I was married I think I weighed around 160 but I was completely not in shape and was wearing a size 14. I went on depo prover a shot so you do not get pregnant and I tell you I shot up about 50 pounds in a two month period.

My highest weight ever was 218 and I am only 5'2". I was in a size 20 pant and talk about being extremely depressed.

This was several years later.. We were trying to get pregnant and nothing. I decided to start working out because that 218 pounds was looming over me. I felt like a failure because I wasn't able to get pregnant. I started to lose weight. I lost 40 pounds and BAM I got pregnant!

We had our first child in 2006. When you are a new mom the last thing you want to do is exercise. Your exhausted. I only gained 10 pounds during my pregnancy... crazy I know!! but after I had my daughter I put so much weight ON because I felt starving all the time nursing.

Just thru life I started to gain again. It wasn't too bad though.. I still was in about a size 14/16. I figured life was just going to be this way and to deal with it.

We had been wanting another baby so I started to lose some weight. I don't remember how much but not enough for it to be significant for me to remember. But we got pregnant and it was a huge surprise.

At first, I was like what I'm pregnant? I felt horribly guilty over those thoughts because when I was 13 weeks along I found out my baby didn't have a heartbeat. I was absolutely devastated. If you are a photographer like me and you know me I'm sure you know my story.

I went thru two years of EXTREME depression. I put work in front of my family to cope. I couldn't even be around my husband for at least a year. I was distant. I was horribly depressed. And what did I do to cope?? I ate and I ate and I ate.

It took me a good two years to get over the loss of our child. I know every woman deals with it differently and I respect that. I thought I was a huge failure. I analyzed every single detail of what I did those 13 weeks that I was pregnant to see what I had done wrong.

I started to feel better after my two year anniversary. I met one of my best friends and we went flew out to Utah to have a get together with some of my best girlfriends who had been thru miscarriages as well.

I started to heal but I had put on so much weight I weighed 211 pounds. I saw that on my scale and thought wow, I never want to get up to 218 pounds again and I was only 7 pounds away from that.

On my birthday in August, I had an awakening. I am a born again Christian and love the Lord with all of my heart. I felt like the Lord was telling me to lose weight for a good two years. In my prayer time, I'd ask what could I do and I'd only hear lose the weight. I was angry at that. I was offended. I didn't have a weight problem. It was those mirrors! It was something else....

So, sitting at my desk on my birthday probably one of the most depressing birthdays I've ever had I sat there and realized that I was 33 years old and miserable. Jesus was 33 years old when he was crucified on the cross and I thought if I had died that day look and see how awful I looked.

I decided that I wasn't going to live life hating myself anymore. Let me tell you, the voices in my head of hating myself and with such extreme insecurities have been there my entire life. Whenever I'd meet a skinny person, I'd have extreme insecurity etc. It was constant. It never stopped.

I was so tired of that and so fed up with that, that is when I decided to change.

5 days after my birthday I started to work out. I couldn't work out and not eat good. It would defeat the entire purpose and what a waste of time for me to work out and then eat like crap.

This took some major convincing for my husband to change his ways. I am so THANKFUL he decided to get on this with me.

I'm not on any FAD DIET. I have completely changed my LIFESTYLE. What I do is NOT A DIET! I can't look at it that way otherwise, I knew in my mind I would fail. Failure was NOT AN OPTION!!!