What are you feeding your heart?

What are you feeding your heart???? Self hatred, self doubt, fear, anxiety, stress, I'm not good enough, I am a failure, No matter what I try it doesn't work, self pity, guilt, I will fail before I even start so why try? I'm too fat, no one loves me, not even myself... I can't lose the weight, it just won't come off....

What is holding you back from becoming the person you are intended to be?

We all go through many many things in life. I have only met maybe a handful of people in my life that have not been in some way sexually abused or hurt in some way emotionally. Hurting people hurt people and behind every angry person there is hurt.

We have to stop allowing those people to hurt us anymore. They can never repay you for what they did to you. I was sexually molested by a friend of the family when I was 15 years old. It took me years to get over this. I remember going through some counseling over it and was asked if I could forgive this man. I said no. He hurt me too much along with all the other men.

They told me that holding on to that hatred and not forgiving that person doesn't hurt them at all, it only hurts you. It hurts and holds you back as a person. Who do you have a grudge against? They could care less about what you think so holding that anger towards them does nothing to them. It only beats you down and holds you back from being the person you are intended to be.

When I was about 20 years old we still were hanging out with this friend. My family didn't know about it until I was 21 years old. Anyway, I remember going up to him on new years eve and telling him I forgave him for what he did to me. I had decided to make the choice months before that he was no longer going to hurt me with the emotional side of things. I wouldn't allow that un forgiveness to tear me up anymore on the inside. I hated him. I despised him. But I was no longer going to let that rule my life. Forgiveness, it's a choice. It's not an emotion. It's not a feeling.. It's a decision that you make and say I will no longer let this person(s) to rule over my life. It's not saying what they did is ok. I full heartedly believe that forgiveness is a choice and it's something we all need to make.....

There are people who have been hurt and have held on to that hurt for so many years. You can literally see it on their faces. The anger, the bitterness, the un forgiveness that has held them back in life.

It's time to give that up. Let me repeat: it's not saying what they did to you is ok with you. It's not ok that these people hurt you but you are forgiving them for you. They will no longer have a hold on to you.

I've always hated when people say to forget the past. I'm sorry but you just can't forget the past. It doesn't happen that easily. What I think is we need to go through all of that emotional bondage and allow ourselves to love ourselves. We need to be freed from that anger, hatred, bitterness etc. It's not good for our souls.

I have allowed self hatred, insecurity, self doubt, fear, anxiety, worry etc etc to hold me back in life. I was able to forgive the people that hurt me when I was younger but this was the one area of my life that constantly beat me up. It is why I could not get a grasp on my weight. I couldn't get over all the SELF stuff. It was constant in my mind.

Like I said earlier, I am a Christian and it's so much a part of my life and who I am that I can't not talk about it. I am not trying to convert you or beat you down if you do not have the same beliefs as me. You are entitled to believe what you want but this is just so much a part of my life it's going to be in my posts.

I remember for the last two years when I would pray the only thing and I mean the only thing I heard from the Lord was this: Lose the Weight. I was angry that that was the only thing I heard. I was offended that was the only thing I heard. I was hurt.

But... I am so glad I started listening to the Lord... I'm so glad that I started to work out and eat right because all that self stuff started to melt away.

I can actually look in a mirror... not just any mirror but oh my goodness a full length mirror! I want one for my new house so I can look and see how cute I am before I go out the door. Did I just say cute??? oh my gosh! lol

I have never ever thought I was pretty. I've always seen the fat and self hatred that I couldn't see myself as a decent looking person. Now, I'm not nearly as gorgeous as a victoria secret model but I don't really care. I will not compare myself anymore to anyone. God made me who I am and I am glad He made me.

So, what's holding you back? What has a hold of your heart? What are you feeding your heart? love, happiness, forgiveness, joy, peace etc? or self hatred, un forgiveness, bitterness, resentment etc?

Stop allowing the hurts of the past to dictate your life now. Go through those hurts and overcome them. You can do it. You just need to be willing to let yourself be just a tiny bit vulnerable and allow to get through those emotions and forgive.....

If you don't, you will be stuck in the emotional turmoil and it will have a hold of you on your life. Many addictions are rooted out of the need to be loved and extreme self hatred..... Stop hating yourselves. Stop feeding your body garbage whether it's junk food, binging, gorging, anorexia, alcohol, drugs, etc. Start loving yourself. Start putting yourself first and working on you. Do it now!